worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
