I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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