Four minutes until I can fart!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
