My nipple is on Facebook.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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