All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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