I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The Olympian is in my bed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
