i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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