Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
