OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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