actually, I'm a sock model
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
