the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
