he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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