okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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