Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i think my mom watched the whole time
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
