If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
