you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
