My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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