I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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