i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
