she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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