i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
