Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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