it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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