How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
