Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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