they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
