I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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