Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
