I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
