She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
