She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
