If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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