the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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