Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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