Sponge bath it is.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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