things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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