I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I looked at my own cervix.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
