either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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