oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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