i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
