A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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