So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
