I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
