What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Drunk is not a location!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
