We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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