Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
