Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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