She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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