he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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