I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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