3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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