is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
