I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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