Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
