this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
