i was born a porn star she said
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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