ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
