So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
