the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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