do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
