Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
