I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
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don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize