guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize