just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
