i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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