I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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