he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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