girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
