Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am never drinking with the goths again.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
