hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
