im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
