wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Vodka?
Forever.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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