yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
