he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
