Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
