Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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